Forcing Myself to Have a Life

It's too easy for me to let a day slip on by. I'm way too good at piloting myself around anything interesting happening, guiding my way towards sorta-pleasant nothing. I tried getting out there more last year and then, well, The Incident. The Surgery helped but for the past few months, I've still been mostly drifitng around my house. I was keeping busy with my various personal & professional projects but I was also letting myself say that I'm so very busy that I can't do anything else.

It's getting to the point where I'm avoiding doing the projects now too, though. I'll be in bed and think "I should work on the album, but I really should focus on the thing for the blog/newspaper/etc." I write a lot in my head, but I also sit there and watch TV and tell myself that, too, is also writing. Sometimes it actually is, but most of the time it's just watching TV. Watching TV is also working on the album, increasingly.

It starts early in the morning. I woke up at 6am like usual and I felt myself giving up on everything around 6:45. Then, even though I already knew this, it hit me — this is the life I'm living. This is the life I will always have lived in the future. The past will be something I have to look at for the rest of my life. Not everything will be pretty and nice to look at, but will there be something? Anything to point at and go "well, at least I got my shit together enough to do that"?

I don't want to repeat my 20s in my 30s. I've been saying that since I was roughly 23, but I turn 30 in just over a month. Now's probably a good time to force myself to live and do things every day! No more days where I sheepishly admit I can't remember when I last left the house. I'm going to walk around the block at least after I'm done writing this. Actually, let me go for the walk now and report back to you within this post to prove I mean it! BRB...

...

Hi, I'm back. Look what I saw out there:

_{(when you walk away...)}

Incredible. Imagine if I hadn't left my house! I wouldn't have seen such moving environmental storytelling.

I'm sure I've made this kind of post before, the one where I say "this time I mean it, I'm getting my shit together!!". Last year, I tried blogging every day to try and force myself into doing things and that petered out in February lol. Part of getting my shit together 30's-style is not beating myself up for having to re-get shit together occasionally. Whatever. "Continue Drivin' That Truck", or however that goes.

Nicky Flowers - You Gotta Drive A Truck (The Truck Is Life) - 12/01/25 - (send any comments/questions to hello at nickyflowers dot com)