Coming Up Empty

That 50mg edible didn't do as much as I needed it to... My tolerance for weed seems conversely correlated with my tolerance for the holidays. I feel ground down. I've got nothing left in the tank. I'm just floating through space now.

5 to 8am was spent wandering around the neighborhood & surrounding area in the rain. Getting rained on is incredibly grounding and calming to me so this was much needed walk therapy. I'm not sure what that's all about but I have to do whatever works. 9 to 11am I spent in my driveway, sitting in the rain and crying and pretending I wasn't doing that if anyone walked by. Noon to somethingPM I put the finishing touches on my new Boxing Day song even though my body was yelling at me to stop working. Something to somethingPM was spent hoping someone on Craigslist got back to me about a Korg MS-20 mini they were giving away for free (THAT would've really turned my mood around—no dice).

Some of my girlfriend's family invited us over tomorrow for dinner & fun. Nothing makes me want to die harder than having a nice time with a family that loves each other on Christmas Day. Just kill me now, why don't you? God dammit. I hate this.

Nicky Flowers - 12/24/24 - Santa needs to bring me some fuckign strength... - (send any comments/questions to hello at nickyflowers dot com)